Nothingness

It's funny. I used to be able to write all the time. Writing about anything, and everything. The words just knew how to come, and I had the patience to sit still and put them in written form. It's been a while since I've been able to do that. Even when I do find myself with the patience to actually write something, my mind is in such a fog that I can't seem to spit anything out. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's just that I'm not capable of forming the words to say it.

It's frustrating because it hasn't always been this way. But I'm not really myself anymore, either. I don't know who I am. I feel like I no longer really have an identity.

I used to be passionate about things. There were things that I loved. And things that I loved doing. People I wanted to be with. I knew what I wanted and how I was going to get it. I cared about things. I just don't anymore. I don't care. I put on the mask and pretend, but it's only because I have to. People expect things from me, and I have to live up to those expectations. There are so many expectations that I already can't live up to...

But in reality, I'm just an empty void. Useless, hopeless...taking up more than my share of space in an already over-crowded world.

I feel so lost...