i don't know what to do. i'm think i'm suffocating. i'm cranky and exhausted, and i just don't care. i'm exhausted, but i'm afraid to go to sleep, even if i could. there's always a nightmare lurking...closing my eyes just makes me more vulnerable. the nightmares are so horrible.
apparently i'm grouchy. i don't deny it, but i don't know if grouchy is the right term. i'm tired, and i'm burned out. i'm on the edge of a meltdown--i can feel it coming. and yet, there's nothing i can do to prevent it. in truth, i start to panic everytime my phone rings or a new text message comes. it's always somebody who wants something from me. people i care about, usually, not understanding that i just can't give them what they want.
why aren't you doing more, rachel? what's your problem, rachel? why aren't you standing up for my manipulative, sadistic, soul-sucking excuse for a daughter anymore, rachel? you drama people need to grow up, rachel. you're not good enough, rachel. you need to try harder. you need to just be someone else, rachel...
and then there's:
"you need to work for me." "i'm not coming in." "more money is missing from the drawer." "i want a different piece." "ms. b is mad at me." "everyone hates me." "find me a monologue." "i need you to cut this scene for me."
i want, i want, i want. i need, i need, i need. every phone call. every text. every knock at my door.
i hate it.
is it really all that surprising that i just want out? *sigh*
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1 comment:
I don't care what anyone says. Running away is always an option. (It's what I'm going to try to do.)
I love you anyways, even when you're a grouch, because you deserve to be loved. (You're a freakin super hero, for crying out loud! Would anything really happen with the important people in this town if you weren't here?
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